Alone, Eternally
by Ryeloza
Summary: “I settled for Coop. I was so determined to have a baby and to live out some perfect dream life and I...settled.” Phoebe's life isn't turning out how she planned. Rated T for language.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Charmed_. I also don't own Sheryl Crow's song, "Always on your Side."

**A/n: **This was inspired by Sheryl Crow's song, "Always on your Side." I recommend looking up the lyrics or listening to the song sometime if you haven't heard it. It's really very beautiful.I think this is going to be a multi-chapter fic. We'll see. There are no spoilers as long as you're caught up to "Gone With the Witches." I have read no spoilers for the last two episodes, so this is based purely on my imagination.Let me know what you think.

**Setting: **May 2007.

**Alone, Eternally**

_  
My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away  
But every now and then you come to mind  
Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game  
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide  
When you knew that I was always on your side_

_-_Sheryl Crow, "Always on your Side"

She stood turned to the side in front of the mirror, her pajama tank top pulled up so her large pregnant stomach was exposed, her hands resting on her stomach lightly. Eight months. It was surreal. In just four weeks the little girl she had been dreaming about for three years would be in her arms.

Piper was excited. When Phoebe had first announced that she was pregnant, back in December, Piper had eagerly offered Phoebe her maternity clothes, claiming that she had no further use for them. Phoebe had tried to shirk off by saying that the clothes weren't her style, but Piper insisted they weren't anybody's style, and that Phoebe wouldn't find much better. In the end, it was nothing Phoebe said that convinced Piper to keep her maternity clothes; instead it was Piper's own good news in January that she was two months pregnant with her third child.

To Phoebe's surprise, Piper seemed to be carrying her pregnancy with more grace than Phoebe could possibly hope to pull off. She had come to the conclusion that this was because it was Piper's third pregnancy, and the experience had given her an eloquence that Phoebe couldn't emulate. Sometimes, though, in her darker moments, she wondered if it wasn't more simply that Piper was happier than she had been at any point in her life since Prue died, while she, Phoebe, was...well...

Unhappy wasn't right. She was happy. If fact, she was darn well _thrilled _about the pregnancy. After all, the baby was all she had wanted for years now. Finally, a wish fulfilled. But as far as her marriage went...

She sighed. Coop was an amazing man. Kind and intelligent and soft spoken. Everything most women would want. But he just wasn't...he just wasn't what she had ever pictured for herself. Phoebe had always loathed the mundane, and even when she was young she often sought some semblance of a fairy tale in her every day life. Romance and love, to her, were supposed to be exotic, commanding, and absolute. With Coop she felt safe, and relatively happy, but the boat hardly rocked and there was rarely distress. Where was the fairy tale?

Most of the time, she tried to ignore the feeling of unease she had about her marriage. She cocked it up to hormones or personal issues or her past haunting her. She never discussed it with Coop and she only brought it up amongst her sisters in veiled talk to try to gauge what she should or shouldn't be feeling from their own experiences. _I'll get over it_, she'd tell herself. And a lot of the time, the feelings would pass.

Tonight, studying herself in the mirror, Phoebe was excited. She had finally decided which name she wanted to suggest to Coop if the baby was a girl (which she was fairly certain, it was). They had already decided that the middle name would be Odette, due to a night that stood out in Phoebe's mind as one of the better ones in their relationship.

They had gone to see _Swan Lake_ the night after Phoebe found out that she was pregnant, and they had both loved it so much that when Coop suggested Odette as a possible baby name, Phoebe had immediately jumped on board. "But as a middle name," she'd said, lying on her back in the bed, not looking at Coop, but instead dreaming about the face of the little girl now growing inside of her. "I think it would be too much as a first name."

Coop had agreed without any fight, simply asking her what she thought an appropriate first name would be. "I'd like to use a family name," Phoebe told him, and she'd spent the past several months afterward refreshing her memory on the family tree and stories she had learned over the years. She knew more about the family history than Piper or Paige. Years ago, when she had written the spell to vanquish the Source, she had done a lot of research to try to pick out the most powerful witches in their line. Helena was one of them, though at the time Phoebe had been more intrigued by the story of Helena's younger sister, Honora. Honora had died at a young age in a demonic battle in which she stepped in front of a fireball aimed towards Helena. The story reminded her of Prue in some ways, and, at the time, of what she would do in order to protect Piper and Paige. What she would still do. Revisiting the story years later, she decided that she still liked all of the connotations she had with the name Honora, and was planning to propose it to Coop that night.

_Maybe_, she thought, _it would recreate some of the joy we had at the beginning_.

Coop came into the bedroom, flicking off the bathroom light as he entered, leaving Phoebe bathed only in moonlight as she stood in front of the mirror. She turned slowly towards him; he was staring at her from across the room, a queer expression on his face.

"What?" she said, pulling the tank top down slightly self-conscious.

"Nothing," said Coop. "I was just thinking...you look really beautiful."

Phoebe smiled, and crossed the room, kissing him lightly before climbing into bed. He stared at her for a minute or two more, and then joined her in bed.

"I've come up with a name," said Phoebe softly, breaking the silence in the room. Her hands played idly with hem of her shirt.

"What?" asked Coop. He rolled onto his side to face her.

"Honora," said Phoebe. She grinned at the ceiling, and then turned her head to look at her husband, excited to see his reaction.

"And you think Odette's too much of a name?" he said.

"Well we don't have to call her Honora," said Phoebe, her grin fading a little. "We could shorten it. To Nora or something."

"But it's so...Puritanical," Coop protested.

Phoebe fought the urge to roll her eyes, and instead countered with, "Piper's naming her baby Prudence Melinda if it's a girl."

"That's different," said Coop. "Prudence was your sister's name."

Annoyed, Phoebe rolled onto her side, facing away from Coop and, to her utter shock, found herself wondering if she and Cole would have fought like this about baby names. She gasped audibly and Coop's face immediately hovered over her, asking her if she was alright.

"I had a premonition," lied Phoebe. "I have to call Piper."

"What? Phoebe?" But she ignored him, grabbing the phone off of her night-stand and walking out of the bedroom.

In the living room, Phoebe immediately punched in the number for the manor, her hands shaking and her heart racing. She _couldn't_ be thinking about Cole. Not _now_. The phone rang four times before it picked up and she heard Leo say, "Hello?"

"It's Phoebe," she said. "I need to talk to Piper."

"Phoebe," said Leo, "it's one in the morning. Can't it wait?"

"No," said Phoebe, tapping her foot nervously on the floor. She heard Leo sigh and then murmuring. In her mind she could see him shaking Piper awake, lying on his back, tired and exasperated, holding the phone out and grumbling, "It's your sister."

"Hello?" came Piper's voice; she sounded tired.

"Piper, I have to talk to you. I think I'm going crazy or something."

"Uh huh."

"Coop and I were talking about baby names tonight, and we kind of got in an argument about it and the first thing I thought of was whether or not Cole and I would have fought about baby names. What the hell does that mean? That's not supposed to happen!"

Piper sighed. "You're overreacting, Pheebs. It's not like you're still in love with Cole."

"I know that!" snapped Phoebe. "But I shouldn't be thinking about him at all. I never think about Cole."

"Well, I'm sure it's natural that you might think of him if you were mad about your fight. I mean, you were with Cole for a long time."

"Do you ever compare Leo to Dan like that?" Phoebe demanded.

"Huh?" said Piper.

"Dan!" said Phoebe. "You know. Neighbor Dan. You dated him."

"Oh. Um. No, not really."

"Then I am crazy!" said Phoebe.

"Well I won't argue with that," said Piper. "But not for the reason you think you are. Look, Phoebe, you can't compare what I had with Dan to what you had with Cole. I mean Dan was just...Well, frankly, he was a blip on the radar compared to Leo."

"So when you and Leo fight...?"

"I don't think I've ever had Dan pop up in my mind."

"Well, great," said Phoebe. "So I'm being disloyal to Coop by thinking about Cole when we fight."

"One time, Phoebe. It's not–"

"It's happened more than once," interrupted Phoebe. "I mean...I just can't help it, Piper. And I can't explain it."

Piper sighed again, loudly. "I wish Prue were alive," she said abruptly. "She'd be more helpful."

"Yeah," said Phoebe quietly. She'd never asked Prue if she had had a problem comparing other guys to Andy. Thinking back on it now, she wondered if that was why Prue had never had another remotely successful relationship. Prue hadn't wanted to...

"Fuck," Phoebe whispered. Her eyes watered and she sat down on the couch, suddenly feeling exhausted. "I settled, didn't I?"

"What?" asked Piper, sounding far away and suddenly worried. "Phoebe..."

"I settled for Coop. I was so determined to have a baby and to live out some perfect dream life and I...settled."

"Phoebe," said Coop, and Phoebe looked up to see him hovering uncertainly in the doorway.

"I have to go, Piper," said Phoebe.

"No, wait, Pheebs–"

But Phoebe hung up on her sister, clicking off the phone and setting it down beside her on the couch. "Phoebe," Coop said again.

Phoebe glanced up at him, pushing her hair up out of her face. She felt drained, but calm, somehow, as though she could handle the ax that was about to fall.

"Yeah, Coop?" she said, leveling her voice with some effort.

He looked at her, keenly, and she bit her lip. _Just say it,_ she thought. _Just tell me to go, or that you're going or whatever. Just say it._ Instead, though, Coop just said, "Honora's fine for a girl's name," and then he turned and walked back into the bedroom.

That night, Phoebe slept on the couch.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I have nothing to do with _Charmed_. I just obsess about it. I also have nothing to do with Sheryl Crow or her fabulous song, "Always on your Side."

**A/n: **Well, after a very long time I've added an update to this story. Yay me!

Honestly this really has everything to do with my fabulous reviewers. I've gotten such great feedback on this story and two reviews this week. I've been in the mood to write _Charmed_ fanfic, so those reviews made me decide to pick up on this one.

I hope you all enjoy this installment.

_Katie_

**Setting:** May 2007.

**Alone, Eternally**

_Well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent _

_But my demons and my angels reappeared _

_Leavin' all the traces of the man you thought I'd be _

_Too afraid to hear the words I've always feared _

_Leavin' you so many questions all these years _

-Sheryl Crow, "Always on your Side"

For four years Cole had been bound to living in limbo in the manor and he thought he was finally getting the hang of his eternal punishment. At first, when he realized he was trapped and would never escape from the Halliwell family he'd tried his best to raise hell. He could sense the residue of so many demon vanquishes hanging over the house and he'd done everything in his power to raise them into rebellion. The result had been quite amusing; the sisters' fury – particularly Piper, who'd he's always like to provoke –, the witch doctor, the near eminent destruction of the girls. Classic. But in midst the exciting harassment of Phoebe, Piper and Paige there had been an underlying anger and a grief so large it threatened to engulf him. Part of him wanted revenge. A large part. He wanted to see them pay for what had happened to him and for turning their backs on him when he needed them the most. The other part of him constantly reached out for Phoebe. God, he didn't want to care about her, but even in a pseudo death he couldn't keep his mind off of her.

Gradually, things began to change.

He supposed that the anger had started to dissipate when Wyatt was born. He had been there, of course; he'd seen the whole thing. Grudgingly he had to admit that his respect for Piper had never been greater, what she'd gone through that night was truly...intense. But most surprising to him was the overwhelming affection he felt for the little boy that he still considered his nephew, even if no one in the family would ever call him Uncle Cole. He couldn't help himself. He'd always been convinced that he'd have made an excellent father; seeing Wyatt he couldn't help but think that he'd be a great uncle too. So, fortunately or unfortunately (sometimes he couldn't decide), the kid had started to melt his heart.

What really sent him over the edge, though, the thing that finally got him to release all his rage and jealousy and pain, was Chris' arrival from the future. The girls hadn't known, but Chris had a fondness for working through his problems out loud, usually telling them to Wyatt while he was babysitting. Cole had learned more in two months with Chris than the girls had in the entire time Chris had been in the past. In listening in on Chris' random ranting, Cole formed an odd respect and awe for the young man that was so clearly Piper and Leo's son that Cole could have kicked them for being so dense. In fact, Chris reminded Cole of himself: the sacrifices he made for the ones he loved, the doubts, the pain, the repression of his true identity. All combined, it began to remind Cole just why he had done everything he did and, more importantly, how _good_ it had been in intent, even if it hadn't always worked out. The reminder served him well, and he was able to let go of the rest of his emotions. After that, living in the manor wasn't quite so bad.

It also helped, of course, that the appearance of magic school and the connection Gideon had formed between the school and the manor allowed Cole the opportunity to at least leave the premises and go somewhere else. He hated the school, it was one of the most annoying places he had ever been, but sometimes _anywhere_ was better than being in a house with a small child, the three sisters, a sulky twenty-something and a constantly disappearing/reappearing Elder.

Drake popped up sometime in May, much to Cole's pleasure. The demon had purposefully set out to find him, knowing that Cole had given up his powers for a mortal life. Just having someone to converse with was incredibly pleasing, but then Cole realized just how much Drake could do for him and for Phoebe. The plan had taken a lot of work and planning, but even if it had worked or not the entire endeavor was worth it just to give Cole something concrete to occupy his mind for several weeks. In the end, the most gratifying part may just have been getting to talk to Piper. Of Phoebe's three sisters, he'd always found her the most enjoyable if for nothing else but a good verbal spar. Unfortunately, it was his last high point for a long time.

The manor was nearly unbearable for six months, first with the fake identities and then with the _incredibly annoying_ blonde who wouldn't seem to leave and then with Piper moping around the house for months, driving him to the point where he almost looked forward to seeing Paige. Phoebe _would_ choose that time to move out, he thought, just to spite him.

Thankfully when all was said and done and Leo had come back and Cole had sat through an excruciatingly painful family reunion that he ached to be a concrete part of, things went relatively back to normal.

Relatively.

Truthfully, it had absolutely broken his heart to see Phoebe marry Coop (he was _sure_ deep down to his bones that she was taking the safe road, not the right road). Now she was gone. And Paige was gone too...Cole hated to admit it, but at least she had been entertaining every once in awhile. And, in spite of himself, he liked Henry. But instead he was left in the manor with a now very pregnant Piper and Leo and the two kids. Wyatt and Chris had become the highlights of his day. A month or two ago he'd realized that Wyatt could sense his presence in the manor and he thought that sooner or later he'd have someone to talk to again on a regular basis, so long as he was careful of his sister and brother-in law.

On this particular May night in 2007, though, Cole was in the kitchen reminiscing about food when he heard the phone ring, breaking the still silence of the night. He knew it had to be Phoebe or Paige...who else would call so inconsiderately late?

Particularly pleased by the unexpected turn of events, Cole walked upstairs and waltzed right into the (if you asked him) _too_ happy couple's bedroom just in time to see Leo hand Piper the phone.

"Hello?" Piper was lying on her back, her eyes still closed, a hand hovering on her forehead. She was clearly exasperated and extremely tired. "Uh huh," she said after a moment.

Which sister was it, Cole wondered.

Piper was quiet for a minute or so as she continued to rub her forehead, and then she let out a deep sight. "You're overreacting, Pheebs," she said, and Cole's heart leapt a little. "It's not like you're still in love with Cole."

"What?" he said out loud. He walked closer to the bed and leaned over Piper, trying to hear into the phone. Unfortunately he couldn't hear anything. "Why does she think she's in love with me?" he yelled at Piper. "Damn it all!"

Piper answered whatever Phoebe had said instead: "Well, I'm sure it's natural that you might think of him if you were mad about your fight. I mean, you were with Cole for a long time."

Cole sat down on the edge of the bed and tapped his foot impatiently. He'd give anything to hear Phoebe's end of this conversation.

"Huh?" said Piper into the phone. Then, "Oh. Um. No, not really."

There was a slight high pitched sound on the other end of the phone and then Piper said, "Well I won't argue with that. But not for the reason you think you are. Look, Phoebe, you can't compare what I had with Dan to what you had with Cole. I mean Dan was just...Well, frankly, he was a blip on the radar compared to Leo."

Cole turned his head in interest and Leo opened an eye and turned his head towards Piper with a slight smile on his face. Well bully for him, thought Cole, but what does that mean for me? This would be so much easier if he knew more than the minutest details of Piper's relationship with Dan. Was it intense? If so that meant she thought that he, Cole, was worth more than the intensity of that relationship. Did her words mean Cole and Phoebe's relationship had been on par with her and Leo's relationship?

"I don't think I've ever had Dan pop up in my mind," said Piper, and Leo's slight smile turned into a full grin.

After a minute or so, Piper said, "One time, Phoebe. It's not–" There was a slight pause and then Piper sighed again, loudly. "I wish Prue were alive," she said. "She'd be more helpful."

More helpful with what? Convincing Phoebe she wasn't still in love with Cole? He waited in bated breath for several minutes while Phoebe relayed whatever opinion she had about Prue's helpfulness to Piper and then felt his stomach clench when Piper said worriedly, "What? Phoebe..."

More silence, and then, "No, wait, Pheebs–" Piper opened her eyes and clicked off the phone, struggling with her large, pregnant stomach to sit up in bed. "Leo," she said.

Leo opened his eyes again and looked up at her, moving only slightly to have a better view. "What's going on?" he asked. "Why is Phoebe talking about Cole?"

Yes, why?

"She's freaking out," said Piper. "She and Coop had some stupid argument and during the fight she thought about Cole and how he would have handled the situation. The thought made her go crazy and she called me and now somehow she's come to the conclusion that she's settled for Coop."

"Seriously?" said Cole out loud, jumping off of the bed and turning to look down at Piper. "Is she going to leave him? What's happening!" Then he shut his mouth, feeling somewhat foolish. What did it matter, after all, one way or another? If she left Coop she wouldn't spend her time trying to bring him back to life...

"Do you think she settled?" asked Leo.

"I don't know," said Piper. "I mean, Coop's a nice guy and as far from demonic as they come. But I don't know him that well. I just took Phoebe at face value when she said she was crazy about him."

"Well she's going to have to work this out on her own," said Leo. "You can't do anything about it."

"I think Coop may have heard her say it," said Piper, ignoring her husband. "I heard his voice and then Phoebe hung up on me."

"He was probably just telling her to come back to bed since she's pregnant and needs her rest," said Leo pointedly.

Piper smirked at him and Leo finally pulled himself into a sitting position, leaning in to kiss her soundly.

"Ugh," said Cole. "Okay, folks. I'll just leave you alone then." He walked out of the door and into the hallway.

So, Phoebe thought she'd settled. Piper wasn't convinced that she hadn't. He slouched down onto the floor and rested his head against his knees. This was unbelievable. Inconceivable. And he felt...

Cole swallowed hard, suddenly scared to death. He knew that feeling.

He felt hopeful for the first time in five years.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** Shockingly I did not come into possession of _Charmed_ in the past twenty-four hours. Too bad. I also have no connection with Sheryl Crow's song, "Always on your side." Of course, if you've been reading this story, you already know that.

**A/n:** Thank you all for the _wonderful_ feedback. It made my day (and trust me, it has been a long one). There is going to be one more part to this story after this, but I am considering a sequel...we'll see.

_Katie_

**Setting: **May 2007.

**Alone, Eternally**

_But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear_

_Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear_

_Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally_

_This isn't how it's really meant to be_

_No it isn't how it's really meant to be_

-Sheryl Crow, "Always on your side"

For the first time in six months, Cole was beyond thrilled that Piper had been strictly ordered to take it easy for the majority of her pregnancy. From what he gathered, the doctor had been so concerned about the well-being of both Piper and the baby that he put Piper on a very specific diet and told her that she'd have to spend a lot of time off of her feet and that she'd have to try to avoid stress. The result was a very crabby Piper who Cole rarely got a break from since she was around the house so much. Today, though, he could finally take advantage of the bad situation; because of it, Phoebe was coming over to the manor to discuss her problems instead of meeting Piper in some neutral location.

Leo disappeared a little before Phoebe was due to arrive, taking Chris and Wyatt with him, and Cole sat down in a chair in the living room opposite Piper, who was lying on the couch reading a magazine. He felt lightheaded in anticipation and was internally praying that Piper wouldn't give Phoebe the wrong advice.

Minutes later, the front door opened and Cole sprang to his feet as Phoebe's voice rang out, "Piper, where are you?"

"In the living room," Piper hollered and Phoebe appeared in the doorway. Cole gazed at her, still startled by how much she moved him, no matter what she looked like. Today Phoebe was wearing a pair of comfortable-looking black pants and a sky blue maternity top that, in Cole's opinion, looked fabulous. Her hair was swept away from her face and, in spite of the lingering signs of tiredness around her eyes, she maintained a glow he had noticed regularly during the pregnancy. The pregnancy..._that_ was something still couldn't get used to. There was a baby inside of her..._her_ baby... It was surreal.

"Hey," said Phoebe, entering the room, dropping her purse on the coffee table and snuggling into the chair Cole had vacated. She pushed her shoes off of her feet as soon as she was settled and brought them up onto the coffee table. "I can't wait until it doesn't take effort to sit anymore," she said.

"I can't wait until I can do something productive again," said Piper. "I am so sick of lying around here all day."

Cole groaned. If they were simply going to bitch about being pregnant all afternoon, he was leaving. He'd go bash his head into a wall repeatedly or something.

"Where are Leo and the kids?" asked Phoebe.

"They went to the park," said Piper. "I got them out of here so we could talk about last night."

Phoebe looked towards the ceiling. "Is that why you invited me over? I thought we were going to hang out."

"Come on, Phoebe," said Piper, gradually shifting so she was sitting on the couch and facing Phoebe directly. "What happened? Why'd you hang up on me?"

"Coop came in," said Phoebe.

"And?" said Piper. "Did he hear what you said about settling?"

"I don't know!" said Phoebe angrily. "He was strangely quiet and all he said was, 'Honora's fine for a girl's name,' and then he went back to bed."

"Honora?" said Piper.

"Well I was thinking Nora for short."

"That's pretty," said Piper.

"You think?"

"Oh for goodness' sakes, girls! Stay on task!" said Cole. "This is about Coop, not the baby!"

Piper nodded and without warning Phoebe's eyes filled up with tears and she started to cry. "I've blown it," she said. "He had to have heard me. He was so...distant. And he was gone before I woke up this morning."

"Maybe he was still upset about the argument," said Piper. "You didn't actually make up, did you?"

"No," said Phoebe, sniffling loudly. "But that's not it. I know it."

"Phoebe, you can talk this out with him. It's not hopeless. I'm sure worse things have been said before."

"Yeah," said Cole. "Like when you said 'I do' at your wedding."

"I feel like I have this gaping hole in my chest," said Phoebe. She paused and took a couple of deep breaths. "Even since before last night. I think I'm going to suffocate."

Piper was thoughtfully quiet for a moment, and then she said, "Did you feel that way at your wedding?"

Phoebe shook her head emphatically. "No," she said. "I wouldn't have gone through with it if I had felt that way."

Inside, Cole deflated a little. Some part of him had hoped that Phoebe had simply recognized that she had married Coop because she wanted a child so badly. This made it sound as though she did care about him, at least on some level.

"Well that's a good sign," said Piper. "At least you have something to build off of."

Phoebe gave a halfhearted laugh.

"Look, Pheebs," said Piper, "I know that Coop isn't your soul mate, but you're happy with him, aren't you?"

"Most of the time," said Phoebe. She ran a hand over her face in a hapless gesture. "I mean, of all of the guys I've dated since Cole, he's been the most wonderful."

"But he's not Cole," said Piper. Cole grinned. He could have hugged her at that moment.

"No," said Phoebe. "But that shouldn't matter! It's not like I would get back together with Cole if he suddenly waltzed back into my life."

The words cut through his chest straight to his heart and Cole let out a shuddery sigh. He should have known. He should have known that after everything that she wouldn't just change her mind.

"You wouldn't?" asked Piper. She didn't sound surprised, more like she was seeking something from Phoebe. An omission, maybe? Hopefully...

Phoebe sighed huffily. "I don't know," she said. "I don't know, okay? Are you happy now? I said it. And anyway, it doesn't matter! It's irrelevant! Cole is dead."

"No, I'm right here!" said Cole. He kicked at the coffee table angrily, but of course nothing happened. This was torture. Utter and complete torture.

"So you can take that factor out of the picture," said Piper. "You won't have the option of Cole coming back into your life to give you another chance with him. So you have to think, does knowing that Cole will never come back change how you feel about Coop? Should you leave him in hope of finding someone better, or do you think you want to spend the rest of your life with him?"

Cole glared at Piper, never so annoyed with her as he was at this moment. "You _know_ I'm here," he growled at her. "All you have to do is tell her and then you can find some way to bring me back!" He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "It's not supposed to be this way! For either of us!"

"I don't know," said Phoebe. She rubbed her eyes, breathing deeply. "Over the years I've become more and more convinced that Cole was the only true love I'll ever find. And we blew it. We couldn't make it work. But without him in the picture," she shrugged slightly, "I don't think I'll find anyone better than Coop."

"Then your decision should be simple," said Piper. "Do you want to stay with Coop or go it alone?"

Phoebe bit her lip and tears began to spill down her cheeks again. Cole stood in silence, seething at Piper and grasping for any sign that she would break down and confess to Phoebe that he was right there in the manor.

"I don't know," said Phoebe. "I have to think about it."

Piper nodded and gave her a weak smile. They all knew that the conversation was through for now. "Do you want to stay for lunch?" she asked. "Leo's bringing back some food and I'm sure there will be more than enough."

"No," said Phoebe quietly. "I'm not hungry. I'm just going to...go."

"Alright," said Piper. She seemed worried. With effort, she pulled herself off of the couch and gave Phoebe a hand out of the chair. They hugged awkwardly and Phoebe passed within an inch of Cole on her way out. Once she was gone, Piper sighed loudly and lay back down on the couch.

"I had to do it," she said out loud, and Cole's voice caught in his throat. It was the first time in two years that she had acknowledged his presence. "She's pregnant with his baby. I know that doesn't mean that they belong together, but the child deserves a chance to have its family."

Cole shook his head, unable to speak. Not that it would have mattered; Piper couldn't hear him. But who cared that she couldn't? She might not be willing to help him out, but he had a connection with her son that she didn't have even the slightest awareness of. Someday, he'd find a way out; he'd see to that. He'd changed his destiny before. He'd change it again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **Surprise! I still don't own _Charmed_ or the song "Always on your side." Boo hiss.

**A/n: **Well everybody, this is the last chapter. I've _really_ enjoyed writing this. Honestly it was my first real Phoebe/Cole piece of any sort and I'm fairly proud of it. Thank you all for the fabulous reviews. I hope you like this final installment.

As most of you have probably guessed, I am not a huge Coop fan. I'm not sure if the show just made it utterly impossible for me to like Phoebe with anyone other than Cole or if it's just that Phoebe and Coop didn't have the spark that they needed or what. I know it can't be how short their courtship was because I totally bought into Paige and Henry's relationship (I absolutely _love_ Henry). I guess it doesn't really matter, but it is curious. Oh well. At least Coop was better than Les (_shudder_).

To Princess Pinky: I have extremely similar feelings to yours about the way they treated Cole and Phoebe's baby on the show. It _especially_ bothers me because the next season they pulled out that single mother storyline for Piper; it would have worked so much better and been much more believable if Phoebe had been the single mother (since Julian McMahon wanted to leave the show).And hell, it would have made Phoebe a lot more interesting for the last three seasons of the show. I really think they took a cheap way out with the baby plot. Honestly, I think I would have accepted a miscarriage over the way the baby died, but I guess that was just too dark for the show (meaning, of course, that they couldn't have had Phoebe get over it in two seconds). I also think they took a cheap way out with Cole's storyline/character development in season five, but that's a whole other can of worms._Sigh_.

**Setting: **May 2007

**Alone, Eternally**

_Well they say that love is in the air, but never is it clear_

_How to pull it close and make it stay_

_Butterflies are free to fly and so they fly away_

_And I'm left to carry on and wonder why_

_Even through it all, I'm always on your side_

-Sheryl Crow, "Always on your Side"

Phoebe didn't go home after she left the manor. She toyed with the idea of going to get Paige's opinions on the matter, but Paige had never really liked Cole, so Phoebe didn't think that she could possibly be objective about the situation. Instead she drove to the beach and made her way down to the sand where she sat down to think things through.

Feeling overemotional and weepy, Phoebe's mind almost automatically turned to the what if game. It was so dangerous, and something Phoebe rarely dared revel in, but today she simply couldn't help herself. She was seven months pregnant and having doubts about her marriage, after all. She deserved a quick break from reality.

For her there were always two points she dwelled on when she looked back on her relationship with Cole. The first was not believing him when he said he hadn't killed that witch of his own free will. If she had only trusted him and let him drink the power stripping potion then...well...

Prue might still be alive.

The thought was one she rarely indulged in, but she couldn't help wondering sometimes if she hadn't been down in the underworld seeking out Cole, perhaps she could have saved Prue. Would Piper have died instead though? Would they have ever met Paige? Would they have been able to turn back time and save themselves from exposure? Would everything have turned out perfectly?

No. She was enough of a realist to know that.

The other what if she played with was much more painful for her because she was fairly certain what the result would have been. What if she hadn't stopped Cole from transferring the Source's powers to that wizard? Cole would have been free. She and her sisters, she was almost positive, could have stopped the wizard. Maybe she and Cole could have saved _their_ child together...

Phoebe touched her pregnant belly gingerly. She loved the child inside of her so intensely, so passionately. Now that she could feel the baby move and had seen an ultrasound of it and bonded with it even before it was out of the womb she couldn't imagine not having it. If things had ended differently with Cole she wouldn't have _this_ baby inside of her right now. There would be other children; Cole's and hers. But given the opportunity to change things, she wasn't sure she could go back now.

She'd thought about asking Piper about it. Piper had gone to the future she'd seen that little girl, the one she had never had. Did the knowledge that the future had changed so that the little girl no longer existed bother Piper at all? After all, even if she had a girl in three more months, it still wouldn't be the Melinda she'd seen in 2009. Knowing what she had seen then and what she had now, would Piper change things? Phoebe didn't think she would. As much as Piper tended to dwell on loss and the past she also loved Wyatt and Chris more than anything in the world. Phoebe wasn't sure she'd give them up for anything.

And it was the same for her and the baby she was carrying right now. She couldn't help it. Motherhood had brought her the fierce ability of self-sacrifice. For this baby, she'd sacrifice her true love.

Not that Cole would even be a consideration in this situation. It was far past too late for them.

But there was still the problem of what to do about Coop.

She did love him. He was kind and respectful and intelligent and completely over the moon for her. Or, at least, he had been. She didn't deserve him. But did she want him if he'd take her back?

The truth of the matter was that Cole wasn't coming back. And she was having Coop's baby. And her baby _should_ have its father and a relatively normal life. Phoebe knew what it was like to grow up without parents, and she wouldn't wish that on anyone, least of all her own baby.

She sighed and lay down on the beach, the sun warm and tender on her face. Deep down she knew what she was going to do, provided Coop would take her back. She'd do anything for her baby.

Phoebe ended up spending over two hours on the beach. Hunger and tiredness both finally caught up with her though, and a little after two she headed back to her apartment.

Coop was sitting on the couch when she got home, staring at the television even though it was not on. She entered quietly, putting down her purse and slipping out of her shoes before walking into the living room and sitting down next to her husband on the couch. "Hi," she said.

"Hi," said Coop, not looking at her. "Where have you been?"

"Piper's," said Phoebe. "I needed her advice."

"Hmm," said Coop, noncommittal.

Phoebe licked her lips and stared down at her bare feet, which she had propped on the coffee table. "I'm sorry about everything that happened last night," she said. "I...well, I panicked and I had to talk to Piper and I didn't mean for you to hear anything–"

"I'm a cupid, Phoebe," Coop interrupted. "I know...I've always known that how you feel about me isn't how you felt about Cole, and I thought I could live with it."

"But now?" asked Phoebe, willing herself not to cry.

"I don't know," said Coop. "Hearing you say it...it was hard. But I love you. I really, really love you."

"I love you too," said Phoebe. She finally turned to look at him and was surprised to meet his eyes. She hadn't even realized he'd looked away from the television.

"Do you?"

"Of course I do," said Phoebe. "I wouldn't have married you if I didn't. I wouldn't be having a baby with you if I didn't."

Coop nodded slightly and Phoebe knew he believed her. She also know, though, that from this point on Cole would be hanging over their relationship like a ceaseless phantom. Swallowing hard, she brushed a tear out of her eye and looked away again. Was their relationship always going to be this painful? A little part of her wanted to call it off and run away as she always had before, but, resting her hand on her stomach, she knew that that was the last thing she could do.

"Do you think we can make this work?" she asked Coop.

"I'm willing to try if you are," he said. "I really am."

"Okay," said Phoebe. "Okay."

"We'll get through this," said Coop.

Phoebe nodded and smiled slightly as Coop leaned over and kissed her.

But the day wasn't over, and she couldn't help thinking, what if this was Cole?

-_Fin_-

**A/n: **I know that almost everyone (if not _everyone _who was reading this) was hoping for a happy ending, but if you've read some of my other stuff you know that angst is just in my nature. However, I have been playing around more with the idea of Cole using Wyatt to bring himself back, so I may just write a sequel with a more romantic ending. We'll see.

Thanks for reading.

_Katie_


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